Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Finding my balance

Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post... I know it was very doom and gloom. I never handle getting injured well and then to lose my buddy of 16 years at the same time... it has been really rough.

And yes before I say anything else I have learned my lesson and will be asking my husband to build me a more sturdy mounting block. It seems as though I can't rely on my cat-like resources anymore... 😜

Being so down and out has also made me really re-evaluate where I am going in life. What do I want and what is fair for my family? It was great to hear the validation that balancing work/horses/motherhood as a mom of young children is hard because I find it extremely difficult.  It was also really nice to hear from you all that keeping my horse hobby as a mom is not selfish. I have a lot of support from my partner to have me-time with the horses, but I feel a lot of external pressure to give up the"extravagant lifestyle" of horse ownership. I do worry that horses are expensive, and that if we didn't have them we could travel more, or do other activities as a family. But on the other hand, I think growing up on a farm, and seeing your mom work hard at a sport she is passionate about is valuable too. I still feel like I am struggling to decide what the right choice is, but it is nice to hear from others that have done this and made it out the other side just fine.

One possibility I am considering is a compromise -- re-home one of the horses. Which still causes a pit in my stomach.  I have been training other people's as well as my own horses for over 15 years -- but always as a side-job and now a hobby. I consider myself a pretty accomplished ammy trainer. Emphasis on the ammy. However, I have only ever had one personal project horse at a time even at my best. Now I find myself with TWO projects, and also a full time job, a toddler, and a serious mom bod. I have never been more out of shape and lacking in confidence than I am in this moment. So.... Maybe this is not the best time to challenge myself with not one, but two untrained horses? I know I could train both of these horses on my own 5-10 years ago.... but now? Maybe not right now. My ego really hates admitting that.


So that is where I am at now...  I am not ready to give up horses completely, but maybe I need to go back to just one project horse. It could be a way to compromise and scale back on my horse spending while still not completely giving up. I would only consider it if I found a better home for one of them than what they have here with me, so no one is going up online or anything.  I am just starting to consider the possibility that there may be a better arrangement out there for them than what I am currently offering. I take a lot of my pride (ego) in my care and training, so I think it takes a lot for me to even consider that there could be something better for them out there, but I am letting myself humor that possibility now...

Oak is doing really well at the trainer's barn. She is having someone else pony him while she just sits on him, and that seems to be a really important step for him accepting a rider.... and definitely a training technique I could not accomplish on my own. She really loves him. She calls him her little hobbit horse.

8 comments:

  1. I am glad that you are feeling better. It’s been hard. I’m going to yell for second: YOU ARE NOT SELFISH FOR HAVING HORSES.
    There. I said it. It’s not wrong to have a passion. No one has the right to suggest otherwise. No one.

    Sorry. I feel better.

    I think that your plan is a good one.

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  2. You've been through a really rough time lately and it's only natural to start to rethink what you want to do. That said, I say give yourself as much time as you need to make any decisions. It might not be a good time for you to make life altering decisions while you're feeling so down. And by the way you can totally disregard any advice that you get from me and make up your own mind. I do have to put in my two cent about anyone who is pressuring you to "give up the"extravagant lifestyle of horse ownership!" Are you kidding me, there's nothing extravagant about being covered in horse hair, cleaning up horse poop, feeding, shoeing and caring for horses. It's all very hard work!Sure it may be a little more expensive but so are most hobbies.

    I know you are passionate about your horses and it seems to me that your little one would definitely profit from growing up on a farm and learning how to care for animals. I wish I could have.

    Oak seems to be doing really well with the trainer. I wouldn't let either of them go right now. Let's see how he does and don't forget it's always nice to have at least two so they can keep each other company ;) Good luck with whatever you decide.

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    1. I love your 2 cents :)

      Yes definitely not making any decisions quite yet. Just weighing my options at this point.

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  3. I'm glad your husband is providing a good support system through all of this. I can hear how much of a struggle this is for you in your writing. It sounds like this might be a good compromise for you so you can continue to ENJOY horses while juggling everything else.

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  4. I 100% understand about the balance and compromise. I feel that pressure constantly - thank you for sharing your struggle

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  5. Being a woman means always being divided about how to prioritize the roles we are "supposed" to play and the roles we want to play. You will surely be a better partner and mother for keeping your passion a part of your life.

    I was visiting one of my favorite blogs today and thought of you... Anna Blake

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    1. That is such a compliment that Anna Blake made you think of me. I love her writing too! Thanks friend :)

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