Finding my balance

Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post... I know it was very doom and gloom. I never handle getting injured well and then to lose my buddy of 16 years at the same time... it has been really rough.

And yes before I say anything else I have learned my lesson and will be asking my husband to build me a more sturdy mounting block. It seems as though I can't rely on my cat-like resources anymore... 😜

Being so down and out has also made me really re-evaluate where I am going in life. What do I want and what is fair for my family? It was great to hear the validation that balancing work/horses/motherhood as a mom of young children is hard because I find it extremely difficult.  It was also really nice to hear from you all that keeping my horse hobby as a mom is not selfish. I have a lot of support from my partner to have me-time with the horses, but I feel a lot of external pressure to give up the"extravagant lifestyle" of horse ownership. I do worry that horses are expensive, and that if we didn't have them we could travel more, or do other activities as a family. But on the other hand, I think growing up on a farm, and seeing your mom work hard at a sport she is passionate about is valuable too. I still feel like I am struggling to decide what the right choice is, but it is nice to hear from others that have done this and made it out the other side just fine.

One possibility I am considering is a compromise -- re-home one of the horses. Which still causes a pit in my stomach.  I have been training other people's as well as my own horses for over 15 years -- but always as a side-job and now a hobby. I consider myself a pretty accomplished ammy trainer. Emphasis on the ammy. However, I have only ever had one personal project horse at a time even at my best. Now I find myself with TWO projects, and also a full time job, a toddler, and a serious mom bod. I have never been more out of shape and lacking in confidence than I am in this moment. So.... Maybe this is not the best time to challenge myself with not one, but two untrained horses? I know I could train both of these horses on my own 5-10 years ago.... but now? Maybe not right now. My ego really hates admitting that.

So that is where I am at now...  I am not ready to give up horses completely, but maybe I need to go back to just one project horse. It could be a way to compromise and scale back on my horse spending while still not completely giving up. I would only consider it if I found a better home for one of them than what they have here with me, so no one is going up online or anything.  I am just starting to consider the possibility that there may be a better arrangement out there for them than what I am currently offering. I take a lot of my pride (ego) in my care and training, so I think it takes a lot for me to even consider that there could be something better for them out there, but I am letting myself humor that possibility now...

Oak is doing really well at the trainer's barn. She is having someone else pony him while she just sits on him, and that seems to be a really important step for him accepting a rider.... and definitely a training technique I could not accomplish on my own. She really loves him. She calls him her little hobbit horse.